A couple of Toads and Prince Charming – Part II - Monkeying Around

Back to my fathers words of wisdom (there has been certain quarters that dispute its stature as a prophesy) … therefore scardey cat that I am I shall come down from my high mountain (without any stone tablets) ... and get down to the saga of my love(less) life …

… If at 15 I wasn’t quite sure if I believed “Papa Cubs”, at 19 I was positive he was way off the mark … I hadn’t met any toads let alone prince charming … if I ahd to sit and draw up a list of the men with ‘potential’ (Archsters most favoritist words) the loves of my life up till that stage it would look more like the electoral rolls from the Planet Of The Apes than Kermit-ville …

The unimpressive list included

Candidate No .1: From a close analysis of his behavioral patter which included a highly ritualized charge display from hooting to chest-beating to running and tearing plants to slapping the ground – one could either label him a American footballer or a great ape, and since we don’t really play the said sport in this country and as he was very good at climbing walls (especially in obstacle courses) … I would go with the latter, to be more specific a Gorilla.

Candidate No 2: a clever little chimp … quite intelligent too … a long limby chappie with a nice toothy smile … the only problem was his constant chatter … most of which consisted of terrible attempts at being funny … and I must say that he did have a vain streak …

Candidate No 3: a rather solemn faced Orangutan … Not very friendly … an intellectual bloke… (his only saving attribute if you ask me) … but he just wouldn’t do, the simian didn’t have a single charming bone in his body …

At this point of time I met this amazing man … handsome to a fault (and many of those there were) … my white knight in a lot of hair-gel … who didn’t quite like horses, or bumpy rides (frankly my dear, if you aren’t really using the goods it doesn’t matter if they get damaged or not) … but at that point of time he seemed puurrfect, to me in any case …

But nothing ever seemed to happen … there were the moments you know … he held me close every time the let those blasted canines out … and there wasn’t a ball (or sleazy pub) that we were seen in without the other … but nothing substantial happened … rather puzzling if you ask me … I looked up all the fairy tales, read the fine print, searched for disclaimers, even contemplated giving him a poison apple or two…

Till finally I gave up and listened to my friend, a behavioral scientist, who was observing all this with much glee … his theory … my luck hadn’t changed much and this wasn’t really my prince but a highly confused Bonobo monkey… that wasn’t quite sure which way he swung … or if he wanted to swing at all … sigh …

So there it stood, with me wishing I'd at least met those blasted toads ... twenty one and never been kissed ( like a skinny version of drew barrymore, braces et all) ...life couldn't possibly get worse , could it ?

A couple of Toads and Prince Charming – Part I - The Divination

When I was just a teeny weenie ( awfully whiney) kitten, my father dearest was my chief counsel…the man with the grey matter ... and a very black gown ... More often than not he had advice for me, mostly unsolicited, but this isn’t about that.

This is however about a prophecy that has come true…the Prophet (of sorts) being my dad …

It all starts with my father, who has know to be quite accurate with his predictions and has an uncanny knack of foreseeing things before they happen… a rather unsettling trait if you ask me… not quite sure who its unsettled more during my teenage years … me who worried if he knew what I was up to, or him who uncannily always seemed to know what I was up to … but this isn’t about that as well …

This, as I told you, is about a prophesy … not a great one … or even a clever one … frankly the only remarkable thing about it is that it came true … (most people by now are just about ready to claw my eyes out) … so I shall meander no longer …

Daddykins always told me … “Maryann ( he used this name only when he was mighty serious, mighty pleased or mighty darn pissed …), Maryann” he said “In life you’re going to have to kiss a couple of toads before you find Prince Charming” ….

I laughed … until I realized he did not jest and was quite earnest … I stopped laughing … lest I get called “Maryann” once again (and not in a pleasant way this time) ... and said “indeed Daddykins, indeed”…

Now at this point of time I had no idea that he had just prophesized … so I pondered on it for no more than a few nano seconds and brushed it aside as something he had read in a bad poster, desperately trying to be witty … or worse yet, in the old dusty version of extremely politically (and otherwise) incorrect fairytale books that were hidden in the attic (a loft really, but attic sounds so much nicer) …

And so it came to pass … thousand nine hundred and five years after our Lord (well some of ours’) … a man saw into the future … and the rest shall have to wait for another day …

The Cat has to Nap!

Love .. and then some ... Part II

Regret

She kissed him and held him close. She couldn’t bear to let go.

Tomorrow they would be a thousand miles apart.

He looked at her eyes, his filled with uncertainty and childlike hope.

She didn’t want to but had no choice.

She hated herself. Hated goodbyes.

Sensitive.

He did not know a woman quite the same as her, so full of life.

She has coaxed him out of his shell and inspired his poems.

Under the stars he confessed his love.

Her eyes filled with confusion, then pity.

Reality dawned.

To see him cry only made her want to turn and run.

Sheltered.

A man must be like a wall: tall, broad and strong. A woman, like a reed in the breeze.

With him she felt protected.

He blocked out the strong winds.

She let her guard down.

He fell for her best friend.

Her life crumbed, the walls went back up.

Tongue-tied

She looked at him with awe; the brilliance of his mind dazzled her. He was unfathomable to most people, strange, an enigma.

She never knew what to say to him, yet they spoke for hours, each day growing together yet apart.

He indulged her chatter; she was just a confused child.

Unease

“The must be together, they seem so close” she heard them whisper.

She smiled at them, a distant look in her eyes, trying desperately to shut out all doubts. She loved him, was always by his side.

“Are we together?” The question lingered. “At least he’s not with someone else” she shot back.

Love .. and then some ...

Betrayal

“It was just a kiss”, he said. “She means nothing to me”.

She sobbed till she was sick.

Then she let it go; forgave his transgression and told him she still cared.

In turn, he apologized and said he didn’t deserve her.

He left her in a week.

Blind

She loved it when he held her hand. She loved him.

She looked into his smiling face, his beautiful eyes.

She could never see any further or read his thoughts.

“He doesn’t love you,” they told her. “He never will”.

They didn’t know him. He must love her, he held her hand, didn’t he?

Façade

She was madly in love. Her world revolved around him.

He was oblivious of her feelings, or chose to be.

She watched women throw themselves at him.

He laughed at them.

She laughed along, and cried herself to sleep at night.

Malice

They were all around, bodies entwined, glistening skin, glazed eyes. Snake like, with vile forked tongues.

They didn’t understand her. She wasn’t like the rest. Open yet aloof. Seemingly untouched. Not wanting to be touched.

“She must be frigid”, they said.

“Venom only kills when its inside”, she replied.

Mirth

His jokes always made her smile. They weren’t particularly good, but he had a way of amusing her, making her happy.

He made her laugh and forget the world around.

Her smile wasn’t as pretty as another’s. Neither was she.

He chose well. She bears him no ill.

And his jokes, they still make her smile.

55 Words ....

Well a year after my pathetic post the Archster is on my case to write ... Hmmm… I have no idea where to start ... And I tend to ramble ... so the 55 word story makes sense...

Silence

She never liked mornings.

“Turn the lights off, I’m sleepy”

“Shush, it’s time” was the reply

She bent over, placed her ear on her chest and listened

The last march past they call it.

The music was over; the band stopped playing, a heart stopped and life was never the same again.

She never liked mornings.

The strange neighbourhood cat lady.

I sometimes wonder if that’s what I’ll be when I hit the big 3-0. Strange I am already, the lady bit needs me to be a tad more refined, and my cat just had kittens. So now all I need is a neighbourhood with annoying kids who point and stare, ring my doorbell and tie strings on my cat’s tail.

This perception of my future was intended as a joke that made people look at me in a puzzled manner and the robustly agree with others, that I am indeed strange. [I must clarify at this point that the term strange in my book has absolutely no derogatory connotations; rather it’s a more concise way of saying “weird and wonderful” (Note that weird has no negative connotations either) and therefore is a compliment]

I just discovered this weekend that my family does not have a funny gene. The more I jest about my life the more fretful they get. [As I type this I realise that the term ‘fretful’ may imply varying states of mind from irritable to neurotic] [Neurotic genes my family most definitely has, and I’m not the sole example of it’s manifestation]

My father in particular seems to be concerned. He woke up one day and imagined that he might just be stuck with me for a long, long time, and has since been having sleepless nights. This has induced a strong grand-paternal instinct in him and he has since begun to hassle me. [Since he expressed no parent-in-law desires at that stage, I sweetly offered to have some illegitimate grandchildren; for after all one does endeavour to fulfil some of your parent’s aspirations. This was not taken well]. This anxious behaviour of his has begun to worry me far more than the prospect of living alone. My father you see is/ was my idol, a man of principle. And on principle he had sworn never to subject a fellow man to the cruelty that was marriage to his daughter. And now this man of virtue had buckled under the omnipresent thought that he may be the only man I plague for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately for daddy dearest, if I had to pick between Men and Mice at this stage of my life, I would think of saving on cat food and pick the latter.